A Shot in the Dark

Lately, I've been feeling like I am watching my life from a third-person point-of-view. My dreams have been choppy, and I haven't been feeling all that hot. It happens to all of us as we continue down our life paths. Yesterday, it snowed all day. The big fluffy flakes that remind you of some holiday movie, and it was just what I needed to sit my ass on the couch. I spent my time tirelessly scrolling on social communities, while CNN berated the president for allowing another day of the government to be shutdown; I really hate that guy. The best part of yesterday was that I planned a day to myself. I planned the meals, movies and beverages all for me. It felt great to be a total slob, and have a reason for it. One of my good friends called me so we could laugh about life, and I heard a slight scraping sound outside. Trust me I didn't inquire, because I didn't need too. So I continued with my conversation and clove cigar, taking small puffs and exhaling as if I...

If I could only describe this past year in one word it would have to be "Dramatic". Not dramatic in the sense that it was a plethora of cattiness, but more so the random acts of God. Those situations that leave a person questioning life, in the present and future, shaking up the pure foundation of their blurred reality. I've had a year. This year has taught me so many things about my self, I feel evolved from where I was before. This year I've faced death twice, and it was not my time. I am thankful to have my life, and I feel more aware. A psychic once told me that "Things come and go, but in reality it is really about the precious times that you have with your family and friends." She's not the first person that has told me that, so naturally I would have to agree with her. I've been in my head so much about life events that have happened to me, but I believe its time to move on. The psychic also told me that "Curses are spoken...

Letting go is one of the hardest things that I have struggled with over the years, because truthfully I hate losing. When I was a little boy, I used to cry so much when I felt that I wasn't my best, or I was in a position to lose. My father would be so angry, because he too shared this same sentiment, but expressed his rage in a different way. Whenever these situations would arise I would walk away feeling weak and useless, because as a boy it was drilled into me that showing any type of emotion, other than happiness, is not becoming of the next generation of a black man.. Understanding the previous statement that I'd just mentioned has taken a long time to synthesize in my being, because initially I could not understand why it was so important for me to be fake. As an adult Black man I understand the weight that we carry in our lives, from discrimination in our everyday life to having to be strong for yourself and your family. We don't have the luxury to flip out on...

My fingertips are paralyzed from joy as I write this post, because I have a testimony. If you've been following my blog since 2009 you will notice that for 9 years I've been a sea of emotions. I started this blog for many purposes, one to express myself in a creative way and secondly, to practice writing. Without drawing out this introduction too long, I used to have an fear of my words and how other's perceived those words that I both spoke and wrote. I was hyper-sensitive to criticism, which not only hindered my growth from a creative stand-point, but also professionally. It literally was a debilitating experience for me to send something off for, get this, approval and get back edits as if I were really above fine tuning. My personal life was even worse, as I faced the "Coming Out" demon, coupled with facing love challenges alone and moving to a different city. The southern man in the uber-conservative Washington, D.C., or at least that's what it seemed...

Originally authored in 2009 I just deleted the original intent for this article, because my perspective has changed for the direction of this article. I want to address my African American men. The first topic that I will like to address is that of Colin Kapernick's silent protest, and why did it take so long for our community as a whole to embrace the courage of this man. It totally annoys me to no end when someone stands for something that is right, and the greater majority, selfishly picks it apart as to say that "I kinda agree" but it's just not my cross to bear. That cross for Kapernick is that of a man who was just as tired as any other human, primarily a person of color, who had to read about the extreme cases of racial injustice in America. I refuse to rehash every instance of racial injustice that has happened in the past two years, because that would mean that I am writing to another reader who is living under a rock. I just can't understand why we...

I am in a space that I haven't been in for a long time. This space is the expanded version of the freedom that I once felt in my 20's, but now in my 30's is outlined in a wisdom called cautiousness. It is a good thing for me to be myself, but also a little cautious in my life so I don't throw the baby out with the bath water. In my journey of the "other" I've found that things in life just aren't fair and that is perfectly fine with me, nor is everyone a potential positive influence [read: naive me] in my life. I own that I've put myself through the ringer with my boxed-in perceptions of life, and my interpretation of self; however that is the process of maturity. To see one's self in pure truth, or a more advanced truth than what was seen before. I'm so grateful that it has happened, and wasn't pushed to the back burner like some of my peers have done for themselves.  This slight judgment is rooted in an observation that I've co...

Burning, you keep my whole body yearning You got me so confused It's a shame Sometimes I think I'm going insane But still I want to stay - Evelyn Champange King This entry is for those who have carried their cloak of shame like a badge of honor, and how you must free your self of this pseudo-mental illness. Shame is nothing that should be nurtured, however, it is normally implemented in the place that should be nurturing you; the family. I've noticed that I have become a sponge for shame for a great majority of my life. Most of my shame has been rooted in in my esteem via my sexuality. Although many people find the discussion of sexuality as a tiresome subject we have to recognize that your view of your self through the lens of sexuality is a baseline of how you view yourself in society. In a very basic sense the degree, the cars, the tight dresses, the shiny suits and frequent visits to be groomed are all factors when one wants to find, and/or attract a poten...