Exhale...
For so long I have been on this internal quest of self-discovery which has led me to some dead ends, however, for all of the perceived failures I have triumphs that has literally taken my breath away. Tonight I had the pleasure of proving to myself that when I have faith in God, and meet that faith with a sense of action and purpose I will almost get immediate positive results. In short, that energy has filtered into my professional life too, as I feel that I've found my stride as a professional.
That stride is starting to feel more fluid, and natural versus the former ridged movements of a young man who wasn't so sure of his abilities. My current professional persona has me right in the forefront of leading a movement within my company, as we cane wear what we want, so there are no airs just intelligence and action. It feels good to say the least.
This endeavor that was achieved tonight almost brought tears to my eyes, because it is a dream come true. It is a manifestation of a vision that I had for myself that I had to believe in before it would show up. I do see how in the past where opportunities such as these would present themselves, and I wasn't ready for where I am now. That's OK though, this piece is not about self-loathing or delving into the harshness of self-criticism as to say that I am "reflecting", but in a light-hearted way I can say out loud that I've come a long way. I'm so fortunate for all the things that have happened to me, because it truly has made me the person that I am today.
The person that I am today is CERTAIN that when you actually apply, align and take action on any dream or vision you will reap positive rewards. I've also learned that in this process as much as I wanted to bring individuals with me, including family, I have to know that this path is my own to walk. God will make a way for those relationships to either be fostered, or die where they stand. For so long I was trying so hard to please others that I really lost innocent parts of myself, but those holes have been filled with a realism that I am worth so much more to myself that I don't really need that immediate gratification of having people here to celebrate what has already been written. I do enjoy my family's presence in my life, but I've also learned how to find that happiness for myself in their absence.
That happiness for me is right here in these words. The strength, accuracy and precision of a well-written story is my escape from the monotony of a world that is so unforgiving. It allows me to see what is swirling in my mind on a daily basis, and manifests into worlds and people that have never been conceived. My writing is my art, one of my expressions of self and it will be my new life in coming years. I now believe that these healing hands will produce some amazing work that will be read well after I transition into that undiscovered country whose born and no one returns. My words will assist people in seeing their potential within their own imagination as Walt Disney did with Disney World; how James Cameron expanded the already epic Star Wars saga; how Tim Burton makes darkness look so extremely whimsical and beautiful and how Steven Spielberg has that knack for accurately transforming the words from a book into a cinematic masterpiece.
I want to take that fantasy, and mix it with the realness of the vision which is Ava DuVernay; or the soulful feast of literature which was created by the late Toni Morrison; even be a sounding board for my generation as James Baldwin was for his peers. I want the world to know that I was here, and I believe that it is time to get started. Tonight I proved to myself that my sexuality is but a mere part of who I am in totality, meaning that it doesn't define me. Part of this vision of self is that people will be able to see past that part me, but what I've learned is not to put so much emphasis on it and just live. I had to go through what I went through in order for me to get to that truth for myself, and a part of me feels extremely liberated. I feel like I've found my tribes here in the DMV area. My softball life feeds that physical yearning to compete in the sports arena. My Masonic family is allowing me to give back to the community through real action, and not just complain about what should be done.
Love will come when it's supposed to, but I've learned that I am worth more than what I've settled for in the past. It's time to celebrate life, and be beautiful in the process. Thank you God for giving me the strength to go on, because with out you I am nothing.
That stride is starting to feel more fluid, and natural versus the former ridged movements of a young man who wasn't so sure of his abilities. My current professional persona has me right in the forefront of leading a movement within my company, as we cane wear what we want, so there are no airs just intelligence and action. It feels good to say the least.
This endeavor that was achieved tonight almost brought tears to my eyes, because it is a dream come true. It is a manifestation of a vision that I had for myself that I had to believe in before it would show up. I do see how in the past where opportunities such as these would present themselves, and I wasn't ready for where I am now. That's OK though, this piece is not about self-loathing or delving into the harshness of self-criticism as to say that I am "reflecting", but in a light-hearted way I can say out loud that I've come a long way. I'm so fortunate for all the things that have happened to me, because it truly has made me the person that I am today.
The person that I am today is CERTAIN that when you actually apply, align and take action on any dream or vision you will reap positive rewards. I've also learned that in this process as much as I wanted to bring individuals with me, including family, I have to know that this path is my own to walk. God will make a way for those relationships to either be fostered, or die where they stand. For so long I was trying so hard to please others that I really lost innocent parts of myself, but those holes have been filled with a realism that I am worth so much more to myself that I don't really need that immediate gratification of having people here to celebrate what has already been written. I do enjoy my family's presence in my life, but I've also learned how to find that happiness for myself in their absence.
That happiness for me is right here in these words. The strength, accuracy and precision of a well-written story is my escape from the monotony of a world that is so unforgiving. It allows me to see what is swirling in my mind on a daily basis, and manifests into worlds and people that have never been conceived. My writing is my art, one of my expressions of self and it will be my new life in coming years. I now believe that these healing hands will produce some amazing work that will be read well after I transition into that undiscovered country whose born and no one returns. My words will assist people in seeing their potential within their own imagination as Walt Disney did with Disney World; how James Cameron expanded the already epic Star Wars saga; how Tim Burton makes darkness look so extremely whimsical and beautiful and how Steven Spielberg has that knack for accurately transforming the words from a book into a cinematic masterpiece.
I want to take that fantasy, and mix it with the realness of the vision which is Ava DuVernay; or the soulful feast of literature which was created by the late Toni Morrison; even be a sounding board for my generation as James Baldwin was for his peers. I want the world to know that I was here, and I believe that it is time to get started. Tonight I proved to myself that my sexuality is but a mere part of who I am in totality, meaning that it doesn't define me. Part of this vision of self is that people will be able to see past that part me, but what I've learned is not to put so much emphasis on it and just live. I had to go through what I went through in order for me to get to that truth for myself, and a part of me feels extremely liberated. I feel like I've found my tribes here in the DMV area. My softball life feeds that physical yearning to compete in the sports arena. My Masonic family is allowing me to give back to the community through real action, and not just complain about what should be done.
Love will come when it's supposed to, but I've learned that I am worth more than what I've settled for in the past. It's time to celebrate life, and be beautiful in the process. Thank you God for giving me the strength to go on, because with out you I am nothing.
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