A Shot in the Dark

For so long I have been on this internal quest of self-discovery which has led me to some dead ends, however, for all of the perceived failures I have triumphs that has literally taken my breath away. Tonight I had the pleasure of proving to myself that when I have faith in God, and meet that faith with a sense of action and purpose I will almost get immediate positive results. In short, that energy has filtered into my professional life too, as I feel that I've found my stride as a professional. That stride is starting to feel more fluid, and natural versus the former ridged movements of a young man who wasn't so sure of his abilities. My current professional persona has me right in the forefront of leading a movement within my company, as we cane wear what we want, so there are no airs just intelligence and action. It feels good to say the least. This endeavor that was achieved tonight almost brought tears to my eyes, because it is a dream come true. It is a manifestation

Letting go of... It is crazy how life has a way for you to right the wrongs of your ancestors. As a single, gay, educated black man living in a world full of paradoxes, I am starting to realize the torch that I have been carrying my entire life. I've moved beyond the boy who wanted to please everyone to now being the man that pisses everyone off. My existence brings a level of uneasiness to people that I could not comprehend for the longest time. Interestingly enough, I feel blessed to live this life, but there are those times when my patience gets tested beyond anything that I can imagine. The walk is not so graceful when you feel as though the world is on your shoulders and out to get you. Having so many strikes against you, and yes I said it, my existence, my truth can be a burden even to me. The burden of always having to consume the hate of others, even when I remove myself, can be overwhelming. I feel alone at times, but maybe that's so I can synthesize these feeling

Lately, I've been feeling like I am watching my life from a third-person point-of-view. My dreams have been choppy, and I haven't been feeling all that hot. It happens to all of us as we continue down our life paths. Yesterday, it snowed all day. The big fluffy flakes that remind you of some holiday movie, and it was just what I needed to sit my ass on the couch. I spent my time tirelessly scrolling on social communities, while CNN berated the president for allowing another day of the government to be shutdown; I really hate that guy. The best part of yesterday was that I planned a day to myself. I planned the meals, movies and beverages all for me. It felt great to be a total slob, and have a reason for it. One of my good friends called me so we could laugh about life, and I heard a slight scraping sound outside. Trust me I didn't inquire, because I didn't need too. So I continued with my conversation and clove cigar, taking small puffs and exhaling as if I'