My break-up with shame
Burning, you keep my whole body yearning
You got me so confused
It's a shame
Sometimes I think I'm going insane
But still I want to stay
- Evelyn Champange King
This entry is for those who have carried their cloak of shame like a badge of honor, and how you must free your self of this pseudo-mental illness.
Shame is nothing that should be nurtured, however, it is normally implemented in the place that should be nurturing you; the family. I've noticed that I have become a sponge for shame for a great majority of my life. Most of my shame has been rooted in in my esteem via my sexuality. Although many people find the discussion of sexuality as a tiresome subject we have to recognize that your view of your self through the lens of sexuality is a baseline of how you view yourself in society. In a very basic sense the degree, the cars, the tight dresses, the shiny suits and frequent visits to be groomed are all factors when one wants to find, and/or attract a potential mate. From a male's perspective, and I am being extremely general when I say this, to provide, procreate, guide and protect are our birthrights. The disconnect between this hetro-normative social construct, and that of the homosexual community, in my eyes, is that you are not living up to your fullest potential as a man. Therefore, I will shame you for going against what you were birthed to do. That thought is even worse for a man who is raised under the direction and vision of a father who is ever present, and grooms his son to carry the bloodline for which is his family's legacy.
The hardest decision that I've ever had to make in my life is to tell my father that I am gay, and I originally felt that by coming out the shame would diminish. In my experience it actually grew, because I took on his disappointment. What made the situation even harder is the fact that I was living at home during the time of my announcement. The paradigm shift was not welcomed at all. I felt extremely alienated, so I made a series of decisions to emancipate myself.
Today I want out of this relationship, because it does me no good to seek something that is beyond my control. That being complete and total acceptance for who I am as a person. This post is my declaration of emancipation from self-shaming. I, being of sound mind and body, refuse to keep myself emotionally hostage. I am a blessed individual who seeks to transcend beyond the view of being just another person who never reached their full potential. I am worth it.
God is good.
You got me so confused
It's a shame
Sometimes I think I'm going insane
But still I want to stay
- Evelyn Champange King
This entry is for those who have carried their cloak of shame like a badge of honor, and how you must free your self of this pseudo-mental illness.
Shame is nothing that should be nurtured, however, it is normally implemented in the place that should be nurturing you; the family. I've noticed that I have become a sponge for shame for a great majority of my life. Most of my shame has been rooted in in my esteem via my sexuality. Although many people find the discussion of sexuality as a tiresome subject we have to recognize that your view of your self through the lens of sexuality is a baseline of how you view yourself in society. In a very basic sense the degree, the cars, the tight dresses, the shiny suits and frequent visits to be groomed are all factors when one wants to find, and/or attract a potential mate. From a male's perspective, and I am being extremely general when I say this, to provide, procreate, guide and protect are our birthrights. The disconnect between this hetro-normative social construct, and that of the homosexual community, in my eyes, is that you are not living up to your fullest potential as a man. Therefore, I will shame you for going against what you were birthed to do. That thought is even worse for a man who is raised under the direction and vision of a father who is ever present, and grooms his son to carry the bloodline for which is his family's legacy.
The hardest decision that I've ever had to make in my life is to tell my father that I am gay, and I originally felt that by coming out the shame would diminish. In my experience it actually grew, because I took on his disappointment. What made the situation even harder is the fact that I was living at home during the time of my announcement. The paradigm shift was not welcomed at all. I felt extremely alienated, so I made a series of decisions to emancipate myself.
Today I want out of this relationship, because it does me no good to seek something that is beyond my control. That being complete and total acceptance for who I am as a person. This post is my declaration of emancipation from self-shaming. I, being of sound mind and body, refuse to keep myself emotionally hostage. I am a blessed individual who seeks to transcend beyond the view of being just another person who never reached their full potential. I am worth it.
God is good.
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