Chris's Inferno

What is it about past transgressions of the heart and mind, that binds us to situations that we've considered resolved?



This entry is for the pure of heart, who feel that situations have tainted their souls in a sense, but the true redemption comes from acknowledging your position in the situation and moving on. Forgiveness is key...


True character comes with experience, and in those experiences we see ourselves, truly for who we are; not what we describe. Living in this ever changing world can lead one to believe that old adages of wisdom have long died with the social norms of yesterday. However, as a developing human and adult, I've found that those old adages, if taken to heart, can absolve your life's of many hardships.


What lies behind us and what lies
ahead of us are tiny matters compared
to what lives within us
- Henry David Thoreau


There will be many situations that will come to past, and are waiting in the future that must not change who we are internally. I say this with a bleeding heart, because there have been some situations that have come to past that I've felt transformed me somewhat internally, tainted my soul, and somewhat bonded me to something negative that should have been let go. When I see this adage, I do begin to see how tiny and insignificant some of these experiences were, but it was my emotional concern for the situations that bind me to experience. This adage says so many different things, but I feel the root of what is being communicated is that of integrity. Having a sense of integrity is very hard and not many people have it. I do feel once you have tapped into your own personal integrity certain situations won't have so much of a hold on your spirit, and the ability to let go will become that healing power that leads to forgiveness.

I am a firm believer that time heals all wounds, but it does become hard when your heart is involved. Hurt feelings can cause wars and eliminate families, but it takes a little piece of integrity to surpass that prideful mind and in time you will be able to eliminate those feelings of retaliation. Right now I am dealing with my own personal integrity, because my feelings were hurt by someone very close to me, but what has helped is knowing that this too shall pass. Some of what I have perpetuated in my mind was an illusion of emotions, having that all too familiar feeling of disappointment and suffering the lost of a friend. Through my perceived hardships sprouted test of my integrity and other situations that could have destroyed the man I've worked so hard to be, but the foundation of my (Prayer) integrity kept me grounded. I have to also remember that people know not what they do. As time passes, many memories of what we shared and life lessons in which we experienced with each other has disintegrated into a broken record of what actually happened? I have declared to myself that I will not let this change my mantra of life... my sense of self.... or let it trample my integrity... and when the time is right, I'm sure I will forgive you, but at this point it is so hard when you didn't even try. This thought in itself has become my personal hell. Farewell old friend.