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Exhale...

For so long I have been on this internal quest of self-discovery which has led me to some dead ends, however, for all of the perceived failures I have triumphs that has literally taken my breath away. Tonight I had the pleasure of proving to myself that when I have faith in God, and meet that faith with a sense of action and purpose I will almost get immediate positive results. In short, that energy has filtered into my professional life too, as I feel that I've found my stride as a professional. That stride is starting to feel more fluid, and natural versus the former ridged movements of a young man who wasn't so sure of his abilities. My current professional persona has me right in the forefront of leading a movement within my company, as we cane wear what we want, so there are no airs just intelligence and action. It feels good to say the least. This endeavor that was achieved tonight almost brought tears to my eyes, because it is a dream come true. It is a manifestation
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The Next Chapter

Letting go of... It is crazy how life has a way for you to right the wrongs of your ancestors. As a single, gay, educated black man living in a world full of paradoxes, I am starting to realize the torch that I have been carrying my entire life. I've moved beyond the boy who wanted to please everyone to now being the man that pisses everyone off. My existence brings a level of uneasiness to people that I could not comprehend for the longest time. Interestingly enough, I feel blessed to live this life, but there are those times when my patience gets tested beyond anything that I can imagine. The walk is not so graceful when you feel as though the world is on your shoulders and out to get you. Having so many strikes against you, and yes I said it, my existence, my truth can be a burden even to me. The burden of always having to consume the hate of others, even when I remove myself, can be overwhelming. I feel alone at times, but maybe that's so I can synthesize these feeling
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Detached

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Lately, I've been feeling like I am watching my life from a third-person point-of-view. My dreams have been choppy, and I haven't been feeling all that hot. It happens to all of us as we continue down our life paths. Yesterday, it snowed all day. The big fluffy flakes that remind you of some holiday movie, and it was just what I needed to sit my ass on the couch. I spent my time tirelessly scrolling on social communities, while CNN berated the president for allowing another day of the government to be shutdown; I really hate that guy. The best part of yesterday was that I planned a day to myself. I planned the meals, movies and beverages all for me. It felt great to be a total slob, and have a reason for it. One of my good friends called me so we could laugh about life, and I heard a slight scraping sound outside. Trust me I didn't inquire, because I didn't need too. So I continued with my conversation and clove cigar, taking small puffs and exhaling as if I'
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Acceptance

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If I could only describe this past year in one word it would have to be "Dramatic". Not dramatic in the sense that it was a plethora of cattiness, but more so the random acts of God. Those situations that leave a person questioning life, in the present and future, shaking up the pure foundation of their blurred reality. I've had a year. This year has taught me so many things about my self, I feel evolved from where I was before. This year I've faced death twice, and it was not my time. I am thankful to have my life, and I feel more aware. A psychic once told me that "Things come and go, but in reality it is really about the precious times that you have with your family and friends." She's not the first person that has told me that, so naturally I would have to agree with her. I've been in my head so much about life events that have happened to me, but I believe its time to move on. The psychic also told me that "Curses are spoken
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Letting Go...

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Letting go is one of the hardest things that I have struggled with over the years, because truthfully I hate losing. When I was a little boy, I used to cry so much when I felt that I wasn't my best, or I was in a position to lose. My father would be so angry, because he too shared this same sentiment, but expressed his rage in a different way. Whenever these situations would arise I would walk away feeling weak and useless, because as a boy it was drilled into me that showing any type of emotion, other than happiness, is not becoming of the next generation of a black man.. Understanding the previous statement that I'd just mentioned has taken a long time to synthesize in my being, because initially I could not understand why it was so important for me to be fake. As an adult Black man I understand the weight that we carry in our lives, from discrimination in our everyday life to having to be strong for yourself and your family. We don't have the luxury to flip out on
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Full Circle

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My fingertips are paralyzed from joy as I write this post, because I have a testimony. If you've been following my blog since 2009 you will notice that for 9 years I've been a sea of emotions. I started this blog for many purposes, one to express myself in a creative way and secondly, to practice writing. Without drawing out this introduction too long, I used to have an fear of my words and how other's perceived those words that I both spoke and wrote. I was hyper-sensitive to criticism, which not only hindered my growth from a creative stand-point, but also professionally. It literally was a debilitating experience for me to send something off for, get this, approval and get back edits as if I were really above fine tuning. My personal life was even worse, as I faced the "Coming Out" demon, coupled with facing love challenges alone and moving to a different city. The southern man in the uber-conservative Washington, D.C., or at least that's what it seemed
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Proverbs, Chapter 23, verse 7...

Originally authored in 2009 I just deleted the original intent for this article, because my perspective has changed for the direction of this article. I want to address my African American men. The first topic that I will like to address is that of Colin Kapernick's silent protest, and why did it take so long for our community as a whole to embrace the courage of this man. It totally annoys me to no end when someone stands for something that is right, and the greater majority, selfishly picks it apart as to say that "I kinda agree" but it's just not my cross to bear. That cross for Kapernick is that of a man who was just as tired as any other human, primarily a person of color, who had to read about the extreme cases of racial injustice in America. I refuse to rehash every instance of racial injustice that has happened in the past two years, because that would mean that I am writing to another reader who is living under a rock. I just can't understand why we
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